World’s Sports Fans Shrug, Begin Reading Dostoevsky

With the threat of coronavirus cancelling or postponing almost the entirety of the world’s sporting events this month, fans of sports worldwide have largely responded with a collective shrug and are now turning their attentions towards tackling the collected works of nineteenth century Russian literary titan, Fyodor Dostoevsky. 

“I had season tickets to the Bucks which I’m not gonna be able to use, so originally I was super bummed,” said Milwaukee resident and avid sports fan Keith Weyler, “But as Seneca famously put it, ‘Quodque initium novum alio initio finito evenit.’ So I decided I’d put the foam finger and Miller Light down for a spell and delve into the rich and profound musings on man’s isolation and alienation, as could only have been elucidated by the brilliant mind of the Mad Russian.”

Reports of mass Dostoevsky-reading has spread throughout the sports-loving world, including the entire UEFA Cup fanbase organizing a series of online book clubs, and even a website founded by a group of Florida State basketball fanatics with forums set up to discuss important subthemes such as the pitfalls of cosmopolitanism, or the possible spiritual corruption inherent in blind religious fervor versus the equally harrowing treacherousness of abject nihilism.

For his part, Weyler insists that he will be perfectly content even if the world of professional sports never fully returns to normality. “The struggle towards the heights, as a wise man once said, is enough to fill a man’s heart,” chuckled Weyler. “After all, one must imagine Sisyphus happy. Even if the playoffs don’t happen until, like, late September.”