Top 5 Trade Candidates

The ink is barely dry on China’s trade deal with the US, and everyone’s speculating which side got the better end of the bargain. Will the US remain the most dominant contender in the world, or will this cause other North American competitors like Mexico to sneak gains?

If the US wants to keep their crown, they should look to these top five trade candidates before 4 p.m. ET on July 31st:

1. Albania

This small-market contender offers big roster reinforcement in the form of Chromium, a versatile little element that can prove a key supporting player in our steel alloy game. Given its high erosion resistance, that’s plenty to ensure no threat of Chromium calling it quits anytime soon.

The deal: Chromium in exchange first-round draft picks in the next world war.

2. Colombia

Though plagued with rumors of banned substances, we shouldn’t be scared off by the other perfectly legal PEDs Colombia has to offer. We’re talking coffee. America would grind to a halt without it. It’s what fuels our service industry and helps us keep up with the tireless Japanese.

The deal: I’ll take my coffee with a no-trade clause with Japan, please.

3. Austria-Hungary

Due to its size, this European empire is rife with natural resources. 

The deal: Give us all your resources, and we…will like it. 

4. Wakanda

Landing this superstar would be a blockbuster deal. After all, no one else can offer the kinetic energy that Vibranium, the nearly indestructible G-O-A-T alloy, can offer. 

The deal: Vibranium in exchange for putting Wakanda on the map because they are not on this map that we own.

5. The Moon

The Moon is the largest known producer of precious moonbeams. We propose a three-way trade between the US, the moon, and the sun.

The deal: We get sole rights to moonbeams in exchange for skin cancer.

If the US keeps an eye on these trade candidates, there’s no doubt it’ll keep its top spot as the number one economic power not only in the world, but also the known universe.