Articles
Dad Comes Alive During Sports Section Of Trivial Pursuit
Suddenly taking interest in the match after zoning out during the first hour and a half of the National Trivial Pursuit Championship, this Thursday local dad Patrick Gilson propelled his
Suspicious New Tour De France Route Includes Path Through Steroid Factory
The illustrious Tour De France is underway once again and showing why it’s still the tour de force of cycling, though this year, some have found it suspicious that this
MLS Commissioner: “We Need At Least Twenty More People Watching For This To Be Worth It”
After attracting a record-breaking thirteen fans per game in the past two seasons, the nation’s favorite professional male-only American soccer league is in financial ruin. “We need at least twenty
Boxer Takes Issue With All Opponent’s Life Experiences Thus Far
During the press conference for the upcoming WBO Cruiserweight Title Bout, challenger Torrey Hawkins voiced his disapproval for each and every one of champion Rueben Flores’ life experiences. Hawkins proceeded
Genius Comedian, Provocateur Calls Sports “Sportsball”
Stand-up comic Jake Tauer absolutely skewered the wild world of sports during his set Saturday night when he referred to all athletic competitions as “sportsball.” The ever-enlightened social satirist completely
Goliath Still Trying To Live Down Only Loss
Although nearly 3,000 years have passed since he last took the battlefield, Goliath, former Champion of the Philistines, is still haunted by the ghosts of his biblically infamous loss in
Alabama Outlaws Gay Wrestling
Voting to remove the toxic influence of homosexuality from its proud sports culture, the Alabama legislature today unanimously approved a bill to outlaw all gay wrestling. “This historic legislation is
X-Games Disqualifies Athlete After Testing Negative For Marijuana
In a shocking blow to the extreme sports world, Stephen Peltier has officially been disqualified from the X-Games for failing to test positive for marijuana. In light of his dope
New Olympic Sport: Agreeing With The Boss’ Latest Untenable Growth Hacking Idea
The International Olympic Committee has added Boss Agreement to next summer’s Olympic Games, giving top athletes the chance to showcase their transferable skills in agreeing with the boss’ latest untenable
Hard-Fought Fencing Match Finally Ends In Murder
Capping off an evenly-matched contest that saw the two sabres trade touches for nearly nine action-packed minutes, Notre Dame freshman Alicia Copeland was finally stabbed to death by her opponent,
NHL Launches Job Transition Program For Teaching Players Coding
As ratings and profits continue to decline, an average of 25 National Hockey League players lose their jobs every year, robbing so many hard-working athletes of their livelihoods. But, thanks
World’s Oldest BASE Jumper Dies At 23
Father Time finally caught up with 23-year old BASE jumper Dax Felger this Thursday, who was the oldest living BASE jumper in the world prior to a parachute malfunction which
NASCAR Concession Stands Now Offering Deep-Fried Cigarettes
To the delight of NASCAR fans everywhere, all stadium concession stands will now sell deep-fried cigarettes. The novel addition, which immediately caused ticket sales to skyrocket, was announced by NASCAR
