NASCAR Concession Stands Now Offering Deep-Fried Cigarettes

To the delight of NASCAR fans everywhere, all stadium concession stands will now sell deep-fried cigarettes. The novel addition, which immediately caused ticket sales to skyrocket, was announced by NASCAR officials this week as part of their “In The Pits” initiative, which is geared toward improving fan experience. 

Fans will be able to choose between Marlboro Menthol and Marlboro Red cigarettes. The tobacco is marinated overnight in Pennzoil Motor Oil and deep-fried in Skoal chewing tobacco before being served in a souvenir stock car basket. The dish comes with three choices of dipping sauce: Robert E. Lee ranch, Bull Run barbecue sauce, and The-South-Will-Rise-Again honey mustard.  

While the NASCAR community revels in the opportunity to enjoy carcinogens, some regard this as a victory for a different set of reasons. “Those anti-smoking yanks declared a war of northern aggression on our freedoms when they banned smoking, but today the South and the smoke both rise again,” said racing enthusiast and lifetime smoker Billy Joe James. NASCAR fans further identified with a statement offered by NASCAR CEO, Jim France, “Nothing beats a basket of deep-fried cigarettes after a long day of watching adults drive in circles for the glorious South.”