Articles

Female Figure Skater Much Colder Than She’s Letting On
Complaining the frigid temperatures caused by the large ice rink were largely responsible for his team failing to win the gold medal, mixed pairs figure skater Lance Stinson believes his

Report: Still Feels A Little Weird Rooting For Germany At The Olympics
Millions of American fans have reported feelings of strange disquiet in their soul after being forced to cheer on the German field hockey team in their last game against Great

Cool Kid On Hockey Team Skips Second Period
By Sam Strahp, Middle School Sports Reporter Top-scoring hockey player and very cool person Trent Villanueva was seen skipping second period during last night’s hockey game, raising significant questions about

WWE Pivots To New Format Where Wrestlers Talk Through Differences
After decades of using violent, chaotic acts to determine the better person, WWE will pivot to a new format where Wrestlers will use their works to talk through their differences.

Ominous Carving In Shawshank Penalty Box Reads “Brooks Was Here…So Was Probert”
While making the rounds at Shawshank Ice Arena last Friday, prison custodian Jason Broton came across an ominous carving outside the penalty box reading “Brooks was here…so was Probert.” “Those

Washed-Up Boxer Regains Title After Accepting Job At Amazon
Following a 60-minute training session at an Amazon Fulfillment Center in El Paso, Texas, retired heavyweight boxer Randall Hunter has officially regained his former title of Professional Boxer. “Back when

Is Squash A Real Sport Or Just Something Made Up By The Writers Of “Frasier”
Everyone thinks they know what squash is. From the mentions of its fabled indoor courts in NBC’s Frasier, to the episode in season 10 where we actually see the Crane

Formula 1 Driver Experimenting With Secret Second Formula
Breaking with years of tradition, Formula 1 driver Vladimir Drozdov has reportedly abandoned the auto racing league’s signature formula and is experimenting with a secret new formula he believes will

Overfishing Forces Anglers To Start Targeting Scuba Divers
Since the United States Game and Fish Warden Committee announced that all lake, pond, stream, and deep-sea areas are overfished, anglers have now started targeting scuba divers. Jack Larson, a

Rebel On Ice: Meet The Bad Boy Of Curling Who Insists On Using A Rake
“From the top to the bottom, this whole sport is a flipping fraud,” said Zach Chandler, the rake-wielding bad boy who is redefining curling as we know it. Shattering his

Bass Pro Shop Widens Offerings To Bass Amateurs
Do you have a hungry desire to see a fish dead, but you’re not “good” at fishing? Fear not! Outdoor recreation retail giant Bass Pro Shop widened its offerings today

Horse Tattooed With Sponsorships Dies Of Ink Poisoning
Hours after having the signature mountain logo from Coors Light, the World’s Most Refreshing Beer®, tattooed onto his muzzle and chin groove, Run For Freedom Presented By Dr. Pepper died

Hear Us Out: We Give The Deer Guns Too
Look, everyone knows that hunting defenseless deer is inherently unfair. That’s why we here at Sports Riot have devised a solution: we let the deer have guns, too. Once the
