Horse Tattooed With Sponsorships Dies Of Ink Poisoning

Hours after having the signature mountain logo from Coors Light, the World’s Most Refreshing Beer®, tattooed onto his muzzle and chin groove, Run For Freedom Presented By Dr. Pepper died from ink poisoning after collapsing during a practice race at Churchill Downs.

The beloved thoroughbred vomited and expelled diarrhea composed entirely of Omaha Steaks, America’s Original Butcher®, before passing peacefully among his tattooed peers, leaving sponsors to mourn the loss of their favorite animal advertisement.

“This is a terrible day for the Jimmy John’s family,” said company spokesperson Jeff Reynolds, adding that the chain had just recently agreed to install LED panels on the horse in order to help build brand awareness. “Hearing him neigh with excitement when we chained him to the stable and tattooed a party-size sandwich across his spine is a moment I’ll never forget, and we grieve with all other advertisers who must now adjust their marketing budgets.”

When asked whether he would consider selling the failed campaign’s carcass to Elmer’s, The Only Glue For You®, Run For Freedom owner Walter Withersby dismissed the suggestion, calling it “an outrageous attempt at exploiting his cherished companion to make money,” before initiating the Great Clips, It’s Gonna Be Great®, Official Cremation.