Overfishing Forces Anglers To Start Targeting Scuba Divers

Since the United States Game and Fish Warden Committee announced that all lake, pond, stream, and deep-sea areas are overfished, anglers have now started targeting scuba divers. Jack Larson, a professional angler, reportedly bagged a 185-pound human male last month as it conducted a marine biology study.

“He was a heck of a haul,” Larson said while holding up the lifeless record-breaking catch for a photographer. “He struggled like a son of a bitch, but once I netted him and bludgeoned him, he stopped moving.”

The changes have already impacted competitive fisherman like Tim Backsturge, who’s had to alter his strategy to balance his desire to win with responsibly fishing from the scuba diver ecosystem.

“Mostly I use an old-fashioned rod, and shoot ’em in the head when I catch ’em. I can’t risk my health. I gotta family to feed this diver meat to, ya know?”

The Bass Fishing Championship has also adapted, now allowing fisherman to use depth charges to enhance fisherman safety. While many anglers claim that the explosions in the water caused by the submerged dynamite lead to a stronger haul, some fisherman complain that they never get a wholly intact scuba diver.

The Scuba Diver Fishing Championship, formerly known as the Bass Fishing Championship, airs on ESPN 2 and ESPN 3 next Thursday.