Cool Kid On Hockey Team Skips Second Period

By Sam Strahp, Middle School Sports Reporter 

Top-scoring hockey player and very cool person Trent Villanueva was seen skipping second period during last night’s hockey game, raising significant questions about how cool it really is to be bad.

I was always told that skipping things you have to go to, like church, practice, or church was bad, but the Wildcats ended up winning the game, and no one was mad, so I guess being bad is okay sometimes?

I followed Villanueva for answers.

During the crucial second period, Villanueva smoked pot, practiced guitar, and had sex with another unnamed student, even though he’s already had a pregnancy scare this year.

“Life is a game of hockey, and I only take slap shots,” Villanueva said before sneaking back onto the bench prior to the start of the third period without the coach noticing. 

“I scored three goals in the game. What I do off the ice is my business,” said strikingly cool-up-close Villanueva, continuing, “besides, I care more about my band anyway.”

As a sports reporter, I report the facts and judge athletes on their athleticism, never realizing there was so much more to people.

Was I in the wrong this whole time? No, I wasn’t. His band sucked.