NCAA Too Busy Counting Money To Investigate Violations

Shedding light on one of the many challenges presented by the nonprofit’s ever-growing revenue, NCAA President Mark Emmert explained during a one-on-one interview with Sports Riot that lately the organization has been too focused on counting their fat stacks of cash to investigate any violations.

“The NCAA remains a just and principled organization dedicated to ensuring an even playing field for all collegiate programs and athletes,” said Emmert, readjusting his seat to mitigate the discomfort caused by the overstuffed wallet in his back pocket. “But at this point, we have too much moolah coming in to do anything other than count it, let alone investigate anyone.”

In order to cope with the responsibility of adding up so much cheddar, the NCAA has directed a small fraction of its disgustingly large income toward hiring 200 new accountants.  The regulatory body didn’t stop there, however, opting to establish its own bank where its funds will be held and invested. “We sort of realized that a bank is the only institution that can be trusted to handle such a colossal amount of dough,” said Emmert.

Before ending the interview, Emmert suggested the NCAA may consider solving its manpower issue by outsourcing its investigatory responsibilities, since it’s not like they can’t afford it.