Articles
Bass Pro Shop Widens Offerings To Bass Amateurs
Do you have a hungry desire to see a fish dead, but you’re not “good” at fishing? Fear not! Outdoor recreation retail giant Bass Pro Shop widened its offerings today
Horse Tattooed With Sponsorships Dies Of Ink Poisoning
Hours after having the signature mountain logo from Coors Light, the World’s Most Refreshing Beer®, tattooed onto his muzzle and chin groove, Run For Freedom Presented By Dr. Pepper died
Hear Us Out: We Give The Deer Guns Too
Look, everyone knows that hunting defenseless deer is inherently unfair. That’s why we here at Sports Riot have devised a solution: we let the deer have guns, too. Once the
Mid-40s White Guys Launching Sports Podcast Hoping to Tap Into Lucrative And Untapped Mid-40s White Guys Who Listen to Sports Podcasts Market
Capitalizing on the noticeable absence of hard-hitting white male commentary, a pair of mid-40s Caucasian men have decided to launch a revolutionary sports talk podcast strategically catered to other middle-aged
‘Tradition Unlike Any Other’ Turns Out To Be Golf
A coalition of cable television viewers held a press conference today demanding answers after learning that the “Tradition Unlike Any Other” alluded to in numerous commercials is nothing more than
WWE Union Rep Body Slammed Through Negotiation Table
The National Labor Relations Board has charged the WWE with unfair labor practices after a union representative was body slammed through a negotiation table live on Monday Night Raw. Alex
Coco Gauff Looking Forward To Long Career Of White Announcers Comparing Her Exclusively To Williams Sisters
During a post-match interview, Cori “Coco” Gauff told reporters that she looks forward to another twenty years or so of white announcers bringing up the Williams sisters during every match
UK’s Best Pound-For-Pound Fighter Pounds Fighter For Pounds
For five rounds, the UK’s best pound-for-pound fighter, Peter Pound, pounded his opponent, Mark McCown, winning eight million pounds. Using a ground-and-pound technique, round after round Pound pounded McCown. After
Monster Truck Effortlessly Wins Daytona 500
A rookie monster truck took the checkered flag after destroying all the other cars during the first lap of this year’s Daytona 500. The Bass Pro Shop No. 47 truck
This Week’s Non-Athletic-Regular-Human Power Rankings
Last week’s rankings struck up heated debates at water coolers across the nation. We received many letters–here’s this week’s Non-Athletic-Regular-Human Power Rankings. 5. Chase Watford, 31, Accountant – Milwaukee, WI:
Recently Toothless Hockey Player Can Finally Fit Entire Puck In His Mouth
In a stunning development, Brady Holmes has become the first NHL player in the past five seasons to fit an entire hockey puck into his mouth. Brady’s teammates say that,
Witness In Russian Doping Scandal Dies In Mysterious Bicycle Explosion
A witness in the investigation into a Russian state-sponsored doping program exploded this morning just outside the Kremlin in a tragic bicycle fire. The blast occurred shortly after Yuri Plotnikov,
Did Hockey Start? We Think It Started.
It’s mid-October, and that can only mean one thing: The hockey season has almost certainly started. While some say that it just wrapped up, we at SportsRiot know that hockey