NASCAR Crash A Real Mess For State Farm Agent To Sort Out

“Like a good neighbor, State Farm is OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, IT’S MY FIRST DAY,” shouted insurance agent Gary Little after being dispatched to the scene of a 32-car pileup at the Atlanta Motor Speedway.

Witnesses say the State Farm claims adjustor, though slightly daunted, quickly got to work with interviewing all 70,000 fans in attendance, as well as all surviving and conscious racers to determine fault and damages—a tedious process that stalled the race for hours.

“Progressive, Geico, Allstate. Everybody has a different insurance company! I’m going to be on the phone for ages,” Little was heard mumbling to himself as he rounded up the insurance cards from all the drivers and bodies of former drivers. “Talk about paperwork!”

Onlookers say Little then began documenting the damages of each vehicle with his iPhone, circling debris of tossed racecars on nearly a half-mile stretch of track. “This car has sustained enough damage to be totaled,” Little narrated as he filmed a flaming cube of wreckage, “or is this three racecars smashed together? I’ll need to find out.”

Before the NASCAR crowd could grow any more impatient following the consumption of all the beers and cigarettes on the premises, Little concluded his hours-long inspection, finding a driver who failed to yield to a passing vehicle at fault. 

“We expect 85% coverage following payment of the $2,000 deductible, as well total rental car coverage—mid-range sedan or higher—so racing can resume,” Little told the press before leaving to file the thousands of claims from his strip mall storefront. 

Shortly after Little exited the Atlanta Motor Speedway and the wreckage was cleared, the race resumed with the remaining four cars before another pileup stalled it indefinitely.