President Trump Crowned Presidentweight Champion At UFC 250
With America’s semiquincentennial approaching, UFC Freedom 250 added another page to the history books. The South Lawn cheered Sunday night as President Donald Trump, emerging from behind a metal cross adorned with red, white, and blue pinwheel fireworks and sporting a fresh “MAGA” tattoo scrawled in Blackletter font across his stomach, was crowned the league’s inaugural presidentweight champion.
“Frankly, this is the highest honor ever awarded to a president,” announced Trump from the cage, winded after hitting his signature “YMCA shuffle.” “After 250 years of UFC, I’m the first presidentweight champion. And I’m undefeated. Big Daddy Taft? Lost to a bathtub. JFK? Couldn’t duck and weave.” The president then lifted the belt above his head, claiming that he alone could win it.
The crowd erupted, throwing money and panties into the cage as Vice President JD Vance led in a chant of “U-S-A! U-S-A!” Empowered, Trump was soon taunting his Oval Office predecessors.
“Sleepy Joe—WAKE UP and smell the roses I paved over. Your only shot at beating me was by RIGGING an election,” the 80-year-old statesman screamed. “Barack Osama, you want a piece? Better find that birth certificate. I don’t fight the foreigners, I deport them. How about you, Bill Clinton? I think it’s time we finish what we started on that island.”
Trump, realizing he had inadvertently placed himself on “pedophile island” with Bill Clinton, harnessed the power of his new title.
“I stand before you in this octagon—an unknowable shape with too many sides to count—as a champion with absolute immunity,” The president continued as the opening chords to “YMCA” began to swell. “By executive order, I declare any president with this belt was never on Epstein Island or in the Epstein Files. And that they cannot be investigated by any future president’s corrupt Department of Justice for the rest of time.”
The president then dropped the mic and basked in his supporters’ standing ovation as Dana White made his way to the podium, declaring that the president’s victory meant he would go down in UFC history as the only fighter with a perfect 1-0, zero-opponent record.
