FOOTBALL
“We have the top pick, again?!”
–Justin Fields, before saying ‘fuck’ for 30 minutes straight
“Through God, all things are possible.”
–Russell Wilson, getting on his knees and praying for the slow, agonizing death of Sean Payton
“I just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and think of a baby crying on an airplane.”
–Justin Tucker, “visualizing” before field goal attempts
“Even after all these years, I still get Alabama and Michigan mixed up.”
–Urban Meyer, on which campus frat quad he’s not allowed back at
Allegiant Stadium To Stop Serving Cocaine After 3rd Quarter
The Las Vegas Raiders, committed to both excellence and the safety of fans, have informed guests at Allegiant Stadium of their newest policy. Moving forward, Allegiant Stadium will stop serving
7 Objects You Should Never Ejaculate on During the National Anthem
Over the past few years there have been a lot of questions of what you can and can’t do during the national anthem. We’re here to help–here are 7 things
Aww! Meet Andy Reid’s New Emotional Support Sandwich
Sorry, spicy chicken nuggets, but it’s chopped brisket that has the football world head over heels as Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid debuted his adorable new emotional support
Analysts Say Team Can Avoid Elimination by Winning Game
With the big matchup just days away, leading sports analysts have clearly done their homework because they are confidently telling viewers that one of the teams can avoid elimination by
How’d That Happen? Smarter Team Loses College Football Game
In what can only be described as an upset of great magnitude, our Harvard Crimson Football team lost to Florida State 49-0, despite Harvard holding a superior edge in academic
God Struggling To Come Up With Quests To Keep Tim Tebow Busy
After turning to his Heavenly Father for the umpteenth time for guidance after getting cut from the Jacksonville Jaguars, Tim Tebow has exhausted nearly all of God’s quests to keep
Challenge Flag A Real Blow To Ref’s Self-Esteem
As an NFL official, Jerome Boger expects the rulings he makes on the field to be just that, official. For that reason it was a real blow to his self-esteem
Even Bird-Watchers Not Interested In Falcons Game
Several of Georgia’s most prominent bird-watchers admitted they had a tough time maintaining interest during last week’s Falcons games, despite normally enjoying hours of tedious spectating. The group, who scheduled