FOOTBALL

Staff Prostitute Actually Prefers The Sex Part Over The Spoon-Feeding Jerry Jones Part Of Her Job

“Hell yeah they’re real. One of them tackled me in the open field last year.”
-Daniel Jones, on ghosts

Bill Belichick Returns To Slumber For Next 27 Seasons
The New England Patriots confirmed today that head coach Bill Belichick has returned to slumber in the Gillette Stadium tunnel system for the next 27 seasons. Belichick’s dormancy comes after

NFL Coach Killed In Game During Episode Of “Undercover Boss”
During the season premiere of CBS’s Undercover Boss, Head Coach of the Seattle Seahawks, Allen Fisher, was killed after fielding a punt return in the 2nd Quarter. “We really wanted

Retired NFL Kicker Asks Wife If She Needs Him To Kick Anything Today
Anxious to feel useful for the first time since his retirement from football, sources say that former NFL kicker Peter Neal once again asked his wife if she needs him

All Dad’s Friends At Buffalo Wild Wings
Speaking to reporters, local 17-year-old Samantha Niegarten stated that she was shocked on Saturday afternoon to find the entirety of her father Dan Niegarten’s circle of friends camped out around

Odell Beckham Jr. Still Figuring Out What Cosmic Lesson He Has To Learn To Get Out Of Cleveland
In preparation for his next season with the Browns, Odell Beckham Jr. is still figuring out what sins he has committed in the past, and what cosmic lesson he has

Study: ED Medication Not Actually Capable Of Helping You Throw A Football Through A Tire Swing
An alarming new Duke University study has found that erectile dysfunction medications do not help its users throw a football through a tire swing, despite what television commercials for these

Gatorade Announces Return To Original Recipe
Declaring it the greatest advancement in hydration since the invention of bottles, Gatorade held a press conference this Thursday to announce they will be returning to a 100% pure gator

Pretty Cool I Guess: This Guy Who Played On The Bengals For Two Years Is Here To Talk To Your School About Something
In the world of sports journalism, there’s no such thing as a guarantee. Like sports, you’ve got to roll with the punches, or you’ll wind up getting knocked out. That’s






