FOOTBALL

Staff Prostitute Actually Prefers The Sex Part Over The Spoon-Feeding Jerry Jones Part Of Her Job

“Hell yeah they’re real. One of them tackled me in the open field last year.”
-Daniel Jones, on ghosts

Heisman Potential? This Athlete’s Skills Won’t Translate To Professional Level Football
Heisman candidate, Jonah Bradberry out of Texas Tech, won’t be able to hack it in the NFL. Despite his record-breaking success with 11,287 passing yards and 79 passing touchdowns this

Myles Garrett Picked First Overall In XFL Draft
Citing his clear willingness to take professional football to the next level, currently suspended Cleveland Brown’s defensive end Myles Garrett was selected as the first overall pick in the inaugural

NFL Removes Names From Uniforms To Stop Fans From Getting Attached
The NFL announced today that it plans to remove the names from the backs of all player uniforms in order to prevent fans from growing too attached to individual players.

Garlic Sauce-Covered Papa John Found Screaming ‘Best Friend’ Outside Peyton Manning’s Denver Mansion
Following numerous reports of a gooey, golden man repeatedly screaming, “Best friend! Best friend!” outside of Hall of Fame quarterback Peyton Manning’s Denver mansion, local authorities have confirmed that the

The Stats Don’t Lie: Tom Brady Sucks
Sometimes an athlete gains a bizarre cult following totally unwarranted by their in-game performance. After nearly two decades worth of statistical evidence for Tom Brady, it’s clear that he not

Bill Belichick Returns To Slumber For Next 27 Seasons
The New England Patriots confirmed today that head coach Bill Belichick has returned to slumber in the Gillette Stadium tunnel system for the next 27 seasons. Belichick’s dormancy comes after

NFL Coach Killed In Game During Episode Of “Undercover Boss”
During the season premiere of CBS’s Undercover Boss, Head Coach of the Seattle Seahawks, Allen Fisher, was killed after fielding a punt return in the 2nd Quarter. “We really wanted

Retired NFL Kicker Asks Wife If She Needs Him To Kick Anything Today
Anxious to feel useful for the first time since his retirement from football, sources say that former NFL kicker Peter Neal once again asked his wife if she needs him






