FOOTBALL

Report: Zach Wilson Mulling Retirement To Spend More Time Bullying Plucky Teens At Upstate Ski Village

Play your cards right kid, and this could all be yours someday.
-Joe Flacco showing Zack Wilson his model train collection

Who thinks I can suck my own dick?
-Robert Kraft wearing a wire during a Baltimore sting operation

Roger Goodell Bans Coronavirus From NFL Facilities
The NFL has banned coronavirus in 2020 as the league attempts to play through the COVID-19 pandemic, according to a set of protocols distributed to teams Sunday and obtained Monday

BYU Celebrates “Biggest Win” After Coach Finds Gold-Plated Playbook Buried In Hill Behind His House
In a landmark moment for the BYU Football team, BYU is celebrating their biggest win after Head Coach Kalani Sitake found a gold-plated playbook buried in the hill behind his

New Washington Cheerleader Uniforms Just Trench Coat And Snow Pants
Although the Washington Football team has yet to reveal its new nickname, the organization took a step forward yesterday and announced that it will be updating its current traditional-but-offensive cheerleading

Washington Bans All Native American Imagery And People From Stadium
Responding to the growing wave of racial reckoning throughout the country and sports world, this Monday the Washington Football Team announced an immediate ban on all Native American imagery and

Madden Developers Having Trouble Accurately Animating NFL’s Corruption
While the new Madden game appears to be on schedule for its release later this fall, EA Sports developers have expressed concerns that, while the game might have more seamless

Joe Burrow Retires After Tumultuous Bengals Career
The city of Cincinnati was left reeling on Thursday, as star quarterback Joe Burrow, after a grueling, incredibly horrifying [four week] career with the Bengals, claimed that he could not

NFL Owners Release Joint Statement In Support Of Money
Responding to the financial unrest unfolding across the United States, NFL owners today released a joint statement bravely supporting the production, acquisition, and protection of money. “We find it reprehensible

No One At 49ers Zoom Meeting Going To Tell Richard Sherman He’s On Mute
A very unsurprising conflict has emerged within the 49ers’ current Zoom conference meeting, as multiple players are reporting that no one wants to inform fellow teammate, Richard Sherman, that his





