FOOTBALL

“It’s confusing because they make you play on the wrong side of the field.”
–Rob Gronkowski, on London NFL games

“Welcome to rookie mini-camp. Start jogging now and you’ll enjoy a two-minute head start.”
–Bill Belichick, loading a bolt-action rifle

Chargers Trade First-Round Pick To Rams For 17 Fans
In a move sure to shake up the AFC West, the Los Angeles Chargers made a major offseason splash today by trading their first-round draft pick to the Los Angeles

49ers Preemptively Place All Draft Picks On Injured Reserve
With the No. 3 pick in the NFL Draft, the San Francisco 49ers are ready to draft a player who will be the cornerstone of the franchise’s injured reserve roster

Zach Wilson Spends Last Minutes Of Freedom With Loved Ones Before Pending Jets Selection
As the inevitable cruel moment of fate drew near, sources close to the Wilson family report that Zach Wilson spent the last few precious minutes as a non-Jets player delivering

Trevor Lawrence Prepares For Future In Jacksonville by Learning Proper Way To Vomit Jungle Juice Over A Riverwalk Railing
Clemson quarterback and No. 1 overall draft pick Trevor Lawrence is wasting no time in preparing for life in his new city, working tirelessly to learn the complicated etiquette behind

Trevor Lawrence’s Adherence To COVID Guidelines Leaves Jags Wondering If He’ll Be A Good Fit In Florida
Trevor Lawrence’s decision to attend the Cleveland NFL draft remotely in deference to COVID guidelines has left Jacksonville players wondering if the Clemson star will be a good fit in

Nation Still Not Recovered From Almost Having To Watch A Bills Super Bowl
A few days have passed and the American people are reportedly still not fully recovered from the prospect of having to watch the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. Despite

Hear Us Out: Super Bowl Commercials But Without Ads
Picture this: It’s Sunday, you’ve got your favorite Bryan Buckley jersey on, and as you settle into the couch, a delightful, mythical creature appears on your television screen. “Honey,” you

Half Of State Farm Marketing Team Fired After Aaron Rodgers Fails To Make It To Super Bowl
State Farm’s marketing agency confirmed that 50% of its employees were laid off following The Packers’ loss in the NFC championship. “We were pretty much all in on Aaron, which






