FOOTBALL

ESPN Execs Tell Dan Orlovsky He Needs To Stop Referring To All The New First-Round QBs As ‘The Next Dan Orlovsky’

An Apology From Our Editors: We Gave Aaron Rodgers Edibles And He Won’t Stop Shouting Pat Tillman Was Killed By The NFL Deep State

“Put me in, coach!”
–Urban Meyer, doing a fun little voice while waving his penis at a prostitute

“It’s all pretty ironic considering I had just spoken with him recently.”
–Aaron Rodgers, on Achilles

“I’d describe myself as a tall tree. With hands. Who can catch and run. Look, I’m a wide receiver, what kind of fucking question is that?”
–Mike Evans, answering if he were a tree which tree would he be

Opinion: If The NFL Were So Concerned About Concussions, They Would Eliminate Heads From The Game
Every now and again, the NFL pretends to care about the mountains of evidence showing that repeated blows to the head cause brain trauma. I’m sick of their virtue signaling.

Jared Goff Ranked As City Of Detroit’s Second-Biggest Villain After God
New Detroit Free Press rankings list Lion’s quarterback Jared Goff as the city’s second-biggest villain right after God Almighty, who has topped the list since the 1970s. “The Lord has

The Top Five NFL Teams Ranked By This Eagles Fan With A Gun Aimed At The Back Of My Head
There’s nothing sports journalists love more than sitting down and crunching out rankings for NFL teams. But sometimes when there are circumstances beyond our control — like lax security measures

Cocky Punter Tries Throwing It
The college football world was turned upside down last weekend when a rogue punter went off script and attempted a pass. Zach Weiland, USC’s punter, demonstrated his confidence, nay his

Big Tech Or Texas Tech? Which Entity Can Fix My Pager?
Young people say the world is more connected than ever. I respectfully disagree. For the past five days, I haven’t received any pages from my friend Dave Minch to call him

We Interview Aaron Rodgers’ Doctor
Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers disappointed many when he admitted to never receiving the COVID-19 vaccine. But while many were quick to demonize him, we wanted to hear from the man’s

The NFL’s Top Seven Bad Boys Who Haven’t Committed A Felony Yet
We all know it’s just a matter of time before an NFL player gets in trouble with the law. It’s a rite of passage. But let’s take a look at

Punter Currently In Pants-Shitting Phase Of Fake Punt
While down 24-7 and facing 4th and 10, the Las Vegas Raiders deployed their punt unit for a trick play, but after punter AJ Cole took the snap, rolled to



