Opinion: If The NFL Were So Concerned About Concussions, They Would Eliminate Heads From The Game

Every now and again, the NFL pretends to care about the mountains of evidence showing that repeated blows to the head cause brain trauma. I’m sick of their virtue signaling. If the NFL were truly concerned about concussions, they would eliminate heads from the game entirely.

Scientists have repeatedly pointed out that the root problem of concussions is the brain. Because the brain is generally stored in the head, we could solve the whole issue in one fell swoop.

Now, I know what you’re thinking—is this making the game too safe? Obviously not, because with no threat to the central nervous system, players can increase the intensity of all physical contact. The players are safer, and the game is far more watchable if headless behemoths can unleash their true potential. 

How many times has your favorite player been week-to-week because the NFL forced him to compete with a head? How many helmet-to-helmet collisions have resulted in your favorite team losing momentum while the paramedics cart someone off the field? Plus, without heads, the referees won’t be able to call taunting because they can’t assess the players’ facial expressions.

While the NFL can feign concern by adding more absorbent padding to player helmets and penalizing headshots, they’ll never fool fans like me who have already removed their head to guarantee a concussion-free life.