Punter Currently In Pants-Shitting Phase Of Fake Punt

While down 24-7 and facing 4th and 10, the Las Vegas Raiders deployed their punt unit for a trick play, but after punter AJ Cole took the snap, rolled to the left, and was met by a defender, he quickly entered the pants-shitting phase of the fake punt.

“Oh god, that bad guy is getting way too close. Where’s the flag?” a petrified Cole was overheard by the sideline microphone, before blurting out that the last time a defender got this close to him, Cole had to be taken out of the game to tend to his mud butt. 

With the defender closing in and the sphincter snake poking out, Cole, who had never been tackled in his 20 years of professional football, went for coach Rich Bisaccia run-dump option, affording him an on opportunity to hold onto the ball and his brown-town possessions before being absolutely decimated for a loss of 20 yards.

Immediately after the play, with the punter surrounded by defenders and caked in booty doo, the referee threw a flag onto the field for unsportsmanlike shitting, costing Cole his team 15 yards while suffering a torn anus.