FOOTBALL

“Man oh man! Aaron Rodgers for Vice President??! Kinda makes me jealous to be honest. Damn, I wish I had what Aaron has.”
–Aaron Rodgers, to his bathroom cactus

“My financial advice is to never touch your savings.”
–Rob Gronkowski, pointing over to a pile of Chuck E. Cheese tokens

Opinion: I Don’t Get Hard Watching Football Anymore
I used to have a full stiffy for all four hours of the Sunday football game, now I turn on the “game” and I don’t even get a twitch from

Fuck: Aaron Rodgers Picking Up His Guitar
Aaron Rodgers has reportedly killed the vibe of training camp yet again today after the superstar quarterback halted practice to pick up his acoustic guitar and gather the offense around

O-Lineman Opens Up About Lifelong Struggle With Human-Sized Toilets
Speaking from his home bathroom in Haverford, Pennsylvania, Monday, former Eagles offensive lineman Jason Kelce finally broke the decades-long silence about NFL his battle between human-sized toilets and giant-sized bodies.

New Law Requires Registered Arena Football Fans To Identify Themselves To Neighbors
Congress passed a new law Friday requiring all current and former Arena Football fans to identify themselves to neighbors within a 300-foot radius of their home. The Senate approved the

Bill Belichick Asks 40-Year-Old Daughter What 24-Year-Olds Are Into These Days
Despite being cool enough to land a twenty-something at 72, former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick turned to his 40-year-old daughter to fill in any knowledge gaps about what 24-year-olds

We Debate: Should Society Allow Special Teams Players To Have And Raise Children?
As we enter another voting day, there is no doubt our society, even the famously non-progressive NFL, has made huge strides towards inclusivity. But when it comes to Special Teams

‘All Dogs Go To Heaven’ And 5 Other Films Gronk Thinks Got Passed Over For The Oscar
Sports Riot sat down with former tight end and noted film connoisseur Rob Gronkowski to get his take on the biggest snubs in Oscar history. Drawing from classic cinema to

Report: Aaron Rodgers Will Not Commit To A Peaceful Transfer Of Power
In what many watchdogs are calling a disturbing deviation from standard NFL norms, sources from inside the Jets organization are reporting that quarterback Aaron Rodgers has not indicated he will






