FOOTBALL
“Heyo – guess who’s got the biggest dickidy dick-dick-dick in the room?”
–Josh Allen, trying to make new friends
“Just pretend you’re in Nashville, but after the apocalypse.”
–Travis Kelce, trying to convince Taylor Swift to move to Kansas City
“Put me in, coach!”
–Urban Meyer, doing a fun little voice while waving his penis at a prostitute
It’s Modern Times: Why Can’t I Inject The NFL Season Into My Brain?
Look, we live IN the future. Just today, I had a new lawnmower delivered and watched the birth of my grandchild on an iPad, so someone needs to tell me
10 Fantasy Quarterbacks You Simply Must Have Stashed On Your Bench
Marcus Mariota: If Derek Carr injures himself again, Marcus Mariota has all the tools you need to be successful: a jersey number, a helmet, and letters that spell a name.
10 People Who Might Play in the NFL This Year
As NFL teams are faced with tough decisions at the end of training camp, there are clear roster battles unfolding across the league. With multiple GMs on the hot seat,
Tom Brady Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting 3 Milligrams Of High Fructose Corn Syrup
In a close call that could have been absolutely catastrophic, Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady was rushed to the Tampa General Hospital emergency room on Thursday after appearing to have
Chicago Bears Announce Plans To Convert Soldier Field Into Quarterback Cemetery
Invoking the history of devastating loss that has long plagued it, Chicago Bears GM Ryan Poles held a press conference on Monday announcing plans to convert the team’s soon-to-be-former home,
The Next Booger McFarland? This NFL Commentator Doesn’t Know What The Hell Is Going On
Are you ready for football season? Are you ready for the next Booger McFarland? As we all know Booger McFarland’s Monday Night Football stint included fantastical claims such as “Football
Ranking The Top College Pizza Towns By How Fat Their Lineman Are
Salt, acid, heat, and fat linemen – these are four cornerstones required to create a great college pizza town. Yet a definitive list ranking the nation’s college towns by way
Green Bay Packers Stock Buyback Scheme Nets Owners 3.5K Pounds Of Additional Extra Sharp Cheddar
In an effort to improve their financial statements and reduce the amount of cheddar on hand, the Green Bay Packers Board of Directors issued a stock buyback to net each