FOOTBALL
Opinion: If Laughter Is The Best Medicine, Why Can’t The 2023 Patriots Cure This Kids Cancer?
“It might surprise you people, but I believe in reparations.”
–Jerry Jones, on having players pay back their salaries after a disappointing season
“I’ve made arrangements to be shot out of a dick cannon.”
–Jerry Jones, what he’ll do if the Cowboys win the big one
“I’ll return back to the wicked vortex from whence I came. Lurking. Waiting. Preparing for the emergence of the next ‘one.’ Upon which my form shall return and my reign will be ruthless.”
–Bill Belichick, announcing his departure from the New England Patriots
“I retire the greatest college football coach of all time. Thank you for everything. Also, fuck the Dolphins.”
–Nick Saban, reflecting on his career
Urban Meyer Asks Jaguars GM To Schedule Game Against Rutgers Next Year
Looking to turn his team into a blue-chip program, Jags coach Urban Meyer has asked the team’s GM if he could pencil in a game against Rutgers University next year.
Quiz: Can You Win Enough Championships to Remain In Archie Manning’s Will?
Sports Riot has discovered the secret formula for staying in the Manning patriarch’s will. Do you have what it takes? 1) How many Super Bowls have you won or
Metlife Stadium Becomes First Building In History To Suffer From Clinical Depression
Home to both the Giants and Jets, MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey has become the first building in history to be diagnosed with clinical depression. The landmark diagnosis
Jaguars Fans Denounce Urban Meyer After Video Surfaces Of Him Keeping Shirt On While Partying
Fans of the Jacksonville Jaguars have taken to social media this Saturday to express outrage and disgust over reports that Urban Meyer was seen partying with his shirt on last
Hedge Fund Scouts Sent To Harvard-Yale Game
One of the oldest rivalries in college football will take place next month. But instead of the stands being filled with fans, the only people in attendance will be scouts
Underdog Hero: Meet The Man Who Became A Successful Motivational Speaker Despite Never Doing Anything Impressive
Rudy Ruettiger has taken his notoriously unsuccessful football career and turned it into a living as a motivational speaker. Isn’t that neat? More impressive is not only was Rudy able
Here Are Four Bold Predictions For This Year’s NFL Season And One Weak, Spineless One
The NFL season is in full swing, and the football minds at Sports Riot have compiled four completely outrageous predictions. These predictions aren’t just bold, they’re italicized, underlined, and BOLD-bold. And
Opinion: I Could Have Made That Play
With the game on the line in the fourth quarter, my favorite NFL team tried to execute what should have been a simple play: The quarterback tries to QB sneak