Sean Payton Thinks Broncos Are Just A Bountygate Away From Shot At Super Bowl

Facing an uphill climb since becoming head coach of the Broncos, Sean Payton now believes the team is close to a championship berth. In fact, in his view, they’re just one key scandal away – Bountygate 2.0. 

“I see a lot of potential on this roster. It reminds me of the ‘09 Saints, but even then, we had to work a little magic to get our Lombardi,” said Payton, referring to turning top quarterbacks’ brains into jelly and making their spinal cords explode. “If we can take that final step, you can bet we’ll be drenched with champagne come February.”

The view of the only head coach to be suspended by the NFL is shared by DE Zach Allen. 

“Y’know, I think he’s really onto something,” offered the second-team All-Pro while browsing the Rolls-Royce website, sorted by highest price. “For no particular reason, I want to add that the NFL can’t be mad at me for obeying Coach – just doing my job.”

In preparation for the new iteration of Bountygate, Payton has scrapped his team’s blitz-laden scheme for a new ‘Nuremberg defense,’” which includes players throwing up their hands and acting genuinely confused about being penalized after piledriving a defenseless quarterback into the turf. 

The Broncos may have finally found their best bet for success the rest of the season. Better yet, even if other teams attempt to copy the method, Denver can rest assured that Bo Nix will not be a priority.