FOOTBALL

“If you fuck a tiger in the woods and no one’s around to see it, did it even happen?”
–Matt Ryan, aggressively smiling

Drew Brees Takes A Breather While Taysom Hill Bangs His Wife
As a gadget quarterback, Taysom Hill has been used in a variety of different ways throughout his career. This season, however, the Saints have had to get creative in order

Overrated? Patrick Mahomes Hasn’t Even Won Seven Super Bowls
Patrick Mahomes has been talked about in high terms, even getting called by some in the media the Greatest Quarterback of All Time. However, when you look at the numbers,

Think You Have What It Takes To Play In The NFL? Well, You Don’t.
We see you out there, with your 5:00 am kale smoothies and nonstop hype track featuring Jay-Z’s “Run This Town” eight times in a row. We know how slick you

Dick Butkus On Changing HIs Name From “Phallus Assmooch”
Dick Butkus, testy after years of ridicule for being shafted by an unfortunate name, has decided to officially change his name to Phallus Assmooch. “Whenever I was penetrating the hole,

Dallas Cowboys Place Mike McCarthy On IR
The Dallas Cowboys announced today that they have placed head coach Mike McCarthy on injured reserve, a decision made shortly after team doctors confirmed that the Jason Garrett replacement had

Opinion: Isn’t All Of Football Unnecessary Roughness?
Mark Smithicks, superfan here, and I’ve been thinking. Thinking long and hard. Here are some thoughts that I’ve thought. I think you’ve thought what I’ve thought: We as a society

Bears Fan Enraged By How Genuine And Inspiring It Was To Meet Aaron Rodgers
Returning home from a United Way fundraising event in Madison, Wisconsin, local Rockford, Illinois, native and lifelong Bears fan, Brian Zielinski was devastated to report the overwhelming sense of warmth

Packers Owner Can’t Even Afford Good Seats
Longtime owner of the Green Bay Packers Bryan Hartwell admitted last week that he can’t even afford seats better than the nosebleeds. “You’d think, wow. Owner. He’s probably got his







