Packers Owner Can’t Even Afford Good Seats

Longtime owner of the Green Bay Packers Bryan Hartwell admitted last week that he can’t even afford seats better than the nosebleeds. “You’d think, wow. Owner. He’s probably got his own box. But nope. I can’t even afford to go to every game,” said Bryan Hartwell, who snuck his own jerky into the game because the hot dogs were too expensive. 

“Yeah, being an owner isn’t all that it’s made out to be. You can ask the other 360,069 owners, they’ll tell you,” said Bryan during his break at Sam’s Club. Bryan, who owns 1/5,011,557th of the Green Bay Packers, says he’s never been invited to a board meeting, met Aaron Rodgers or even been on the field, although he does recall seeing Devin Funchess at a red light once. 

Hartwell, who splits season tickets with three of his coworkers and co-owners, had this to say, “Have I been asked once what to do against a zone defense if Aaron Rogers has had a bad game so far? NO. Not that an owner would do that, but I’d like to be asked so I can respond, ‘I trust my coaching.’” Despite frustrations, Hartwell has no intentions of leaving the organization, saying that his parents live here, and they can help with childcare. “Just ONCE I would like to be consulted about our draft class. I can’t think of one other owner in the league that isn’t.”