FOOTBALL

Heroes Never Die: Scientists Confirm That Every Time You Hear Thunder It’s Just John Madden In Heaven Yelling ‘Boom!’

Bullshit: Team Doctor Apparently Too Scared To Perform Open-Heart Surgery So Linebacker Can Get Back Into Game

“No matter how many times I try, I just don’t think I’ll ever get the hang of water polo.”
–Robert Kraft, ordering the help to haul another drowned horse out of his pool

Quiz: Which NFL Coach Are You In The Bedroom?
NFL coaches either get the job done, or they’re kicked to the curb holding their junk. This quiz might not get you to the big game, but it’ll tell you

Franchise Player Leaving Town Takes Out Full Page Ad To Tell Fans How Much They Can Fuck Themselves
Hours after news broke that the Green Bay Packers traded away quarterback and former four time MVP Aaron Rodgers, it is now being reported that the former Wisconsin star let

Top Five Bill Belichick Outfits That Scream ‘No Days Off, Daddy’
No doubt Bill Belichick is a sex god, but how much of that has been attributed to his six Super Bowl rings and not his austere, unforgiving, and somehow deeply

Alleged Serial Killer Fitting Right In On Patriots Coaching Staff
Although they were initially worried about the fit, the Patriots front office happily reported on Thursday that the team’s new defensive line coach and rumored serial murderer of over 22

NFL+ Premium Subscription Will Allow Fans To View Previously Blurred Out Locker Room Dicks
As first announced on NFL social media, the NFL has announced that any fan with a subscription to NFL+ will be allowed to see any previously edited out locker room

Dedicated Player: Rodgers Takes Time To Insult All 537,460 Packers Owners Face-To-Face
If there’s an award for “Greatest Team Player of All Time,” I nominate Aaron Rodgers. You heard that correctly. Aaron. Charles. Rodgers. The former Packers’ QB took it upon himself

Report: The Eyeblack Stays On During Sex
Quarterback Tyler Tyson maintains a competitive edge both on and off the playing field. He has confirmed to multiple media members and reportedly with every partner he’s ever had, telling

Aaron Rodgers Discovers Theoretical Fifth Down
Aaron Rodgers has done it again. The former Jets quarterback — who has won four League MVPs, hosted “Jeopardy!”, and was named the “NFL’s Deepest Thinker” by his Instagram bio





