Top Five Bill Belichick Outfits That Scream ‘No Days Off, Daddy’
No doubt Bill Belichick is a sex god, but how much of that has been attributed to his six Super Bowl rings and not his austere, unforgiving, and somehow deeply alluring fashion sense? We’re taking a timeout to pay tribute to “The Hoody’s” top-five outfits that scream, “No days off! I’m emotionally miserable! No days off!”
- Gray Cut Off Sweatshirt, Gym-Teacher Shorts, Scowl
Ooh là là. Classic Belichick. It’s grayish. It doesn’t fit. It looks stinky. This combo says, “I’ll kill your family with a glare, and; These clothes were washed in 2014 and I’ve been wearing them ever since because sleep is for humans.” Also, “No days off.”
- Feral Navy-Blue T-Shirt with . . . Are Those Bite Marks Around the Collar?
Very possibly! Whose are they? Who’s asking? Certainly not Roger Goodell. The bottom line is that Belichick walked out of the hospital in April wearing this shirt, and he sure as hell was still wearing it to the OTA’s press conference. Day off? Nope.
- Near-Booty Shorts and a Cut Off Hoodie
Let’s face it, Daddy: Bill’s got legs, and he knows how to use them. Belichick is nothing if not (a) efficient, (b) sultry. Who cares if it’s 12 degrees out? Who cares if he cut them up himself? He could have gone to a tailor — but tailors are a day off, Daddy! And BB? Zero days off.
- Leather-Studded Bike Cap, Choker, Leather Vest, No Sleeves, Riding Crop
Come on, Daddy, he was going through a thing. Who hasn’t been there? And you have to admit — he looked pretty damn hot. Unfortunately, he lacked the confidence to rock this ensemble in the regular season, but mini-camp 2011? Hubba hubba. No days off and no nails not painted jet black, DADDY.
- Gray Cutoff Sweatshirt Again, Gym Shorts Again
AKA, “Belichick-formal.” If you look closely, you’ll notice a very cultured and distinct mustard stain on his left breast — and a spray of blood around the words New England. But the question remains: Which assistant coach’s blood was it for asking for a day off?
There you have it, folks. Join us next week when we delve into the top-five Aaron Rodgers outfits that scream, “DRUGS. I’M ON DRUGS.”
