FOOTBALL

Opinion: Giants-Cowboys Thanksgiving Matchup Reminder That You Have Nothing To Be Thankful For

“His quick hands, great instincts, and willingness to do dirty work out there make this young fella an elite prospect.”
–Mel Kiper Jr., watching a raccoon digging through his trash cans

“Hey, anyone need me to rank some kids?”
–Mel Kiper Jr, jonesing to publish another Mock Draft

“It’s a difficult time, but we’ll all get through this together.”
–Jerry Jones, on Black History Month

Bill Belichick Asks 40-Year-Old Daughter What 24-Year-Olds Are Into These Days
Despite being cool enough to land a twenty-something at 72, former Patriots head coach Bill Belichick turned to his 40-year-old daughter to fill in any knowledge gaps about what 24-year-olds

We Debate: Should Society Allow Special Teams Players To Have And Raise Children?
As we enter another voting day, there is no doubt our society, even the famously non-progressive NFL, has made huge strides towards inclusivity. But when it comes to Special Teams

‘All Dogs Go To Heaven’ And 5 Other Films Gronk Thinks Got Passed Over For The Oscar
Sports Riot sat down with former tight end and noted film connoisseur Rob Gronkowski to get his take on the biggest snubs in Oscar history. Drawing from classic cinema to

Report: Aaron Rodgers Will Not Commit To A Peaceful Transfer Of Power
In what many watchdogs are calling a disturbing deviation from standard NFL norms, sources from inside the Jets organization are reporting that quarterback Aaron Rodgers has not indicated he will

How To Fuck Your Way To The Top Of Your Office Fantasy Football League
The office fantasy football league is cutthroat, which is why you’re going to deep-throat your way into the playoffs. When your team sucks, you start blowing. When the going gets

Rehab Doctor Also Giving Deshaun Watson Shock Therapy Just To See What It Does
Deshaun Watson, star quarterback for the Cleveland Browns, is currently and crucially mid-rehab-assignment for his $200Mil achilles. Watson’s rehab physician, Dr. Faker Mayfield M.D., has built a modern turnaround schedule

Report: London Vows to Retaliate Against America if They Keep Sending Jacksonville Jaguars
Tensions are mounting between London and the United States after the UK’s Prime Minister issued a stark warning claiming they will be left with no other choice but to retaliate

Robert Saleh Update: His Succulent Has Reached “Peak Succulence”
While the beat goes on for the NY Jets and NFL, many around the league can’t help but wonder what ex-NY Jets coach Robert Saleh is up to. Since the




