FOOTBALL
“Who thinks I can suck my own dick?”
–Robert Kraft, wearing a wire during a Baltimore Police sting operation
“All of this nonsense is not what I’m about.”
–Kyler Murray, on being told he’s too short to ride Space Mountain at Disney World
“I’ll be back better than ever next year, you can bet on that. Wait, don’t print that last part.”
–Calvin Ridley, on his NFL future
“Now here’s a guy.”
–Cris Collinsworth, drunk in a hotel room, locking eyes with his nude reflection in a bottle of Jameson
Baker Mayfield Loses FirstEnergy Stadium In Divorce
Speaking at a press conference held outside of the MC Hammer wing of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame where he is temporarily residing, Browns quarterback and former owner
NFL Draft Promises To Be Another Year Of Teams Selecting Players In Order
With the 2021 NFL Draft lurking just around the corner, fans won’t have to wait much longer for what promises to be another thrilling year of teams selecting players in
Chargers Trade First-Round Pick To Rams For 17 Fans
In a move sure to shake up the AFC West, the Los Angeles Chargers made a major offseason splash today by trading their first-round draft pick to the Los Angeles
49ers Preemptively Place All Draft Picks On Injured Reserve
With the No. 3 pick in the NFL Draft, the San Francisco 49ers are ready to draft a player who will be the cornerstone of the franchise’s injured reserve roster
Zach Wilson Spends Last Minutes Of Freedom With Loved Ones Before Pending Jets Selection
As the inevitable cruel moment of fate drew near, sources close to the Wilson family report that Zach Wilson spent the last few precious minutes as a non-Jets player delivering
Trevor Lawrence Prepares For Future In Jacksonville by Learning Proper Way To Vomit Jungle Juice Over A Riverwalk Railing
Clemson quarterback and No. 1 overall draft pick Trevor Lawrence is wasting no time in preparing for life in his new city, working tirelessly to learn the complicated etiquette behind
Trevor Lawrence’s Adherence To COVID Guidelines Leaves Jags Wondering If He’ll Be A Good Fit In Florida
Trevor Lawrence’s decision to attend the Cleveland NFL draft remotely in deference to COVID guidelines has left Jacksonville players wondering if the Clemson star will be a good fit in
Nation Still Not Recovered From Almost Having To Watch A Bills Super Bowl
A few days have passed and the American people are reportedly still not fully recovered from the prospect of having to watch the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. Despite
