Nation Still Not Recovered From Almost Having To Watch A Bills Super Bowl

A few days have passed and the American people are reportedly still not fully recovered from the prospect of having to watch the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. Despite losing handedly to the Chiefs in the AFC Championship, the idea that a few lucky bounces or bad throws is all that stood between Buffalo appearing on the largest stage was too much for many civilians to handle. 

“It took decades to recover from the Bills’ back-to-back-to-back-to-back Super Bowl fiasco and honestly, I don’t think I can watch that entire city’s dreams get dashed yet again, commented Maria Gonzalez, a concerned Arizona resident before emphasizing that 2020 was hard enough on the country as it is.

Another concerned American, Jeremiah Tully of Hawaii stated he “just couldn’t watch Josh Allen cry again. My doctor has me on Trazodone to help with my Buffalo Affective Disorder, BAD for short, but it makes me sleepy and that’s when the Bills Mafia nightmares start.”

Even though the Pats-Chiefs game lacked excitement, the commercials weren’t funny, and the halftime show induced motion sickness, a live look-in at a sports bar in a sleepy little town in upstate New York filled with yokels yelling about football and whatever else there is to do up there would have broken the spirit of this great nation.

“I like to think I’m a strong man. I’m a Marine. I was in Fallujah. But the PTSD I’m suffering from the idea of the Bills’ dreams getting crushed by Brady again is more than I can bear,” Lt. Col. Robert Swift told reporters before admitting himself into a psychiatric hospital. Swift is hopeful the doctors at Bellevue can cure his panic attacks that are brought on by even the faintest whiff of Frank’s Red Hot.