You Won’t Believe Or Care About What This Athlete Just Said On Twitter
Just when you thought the world of social media couldn’t be elevated, an athlete has come forward with a tweet that has revolutionized or perhaps just added to the written English language as we know it, and we guarantee you did not see—nor did you look for—it coming.
Hot off a career-changing win or perhaps devastating loss, we weren’t paying attention, this athlete has turned a clapback into a standing ovation, has elevated the emoji to Jackson-Pollock-esque levels of artistic provocation, and is possibly on the Knicks or something, you’re not sure. With one non-controversial take on a food they enjoy, they have burst through the very limits of what your brain or attention span are able to understand. And don’t get us started on how this athlete came up with the mildly humorous blockbuster movie quote they used in response to a teammate’s post, because it will make every single ersatz line that James Joyce ever penned look pitifully comprehensible by comparison!
Putting their Bachelor’s degree in Comparative Communications to its best and possibly only use, this Oscar Wilde of the three-point line’s lightning-quick use of both riposte and repost will leave you utterly without need of comment, each of the two-hundred and forty characters encircling your brain until it melts out of your skull in a blissful mélange of confusion and ennui. Setting your phone down on your lap, this tweet will compel you to ponder the very meaning of existence itself, and if that existence has been wasted by you, just now, reading whatever the hell it was you just read.
We’re telling you, after witnessing the nearly-perfect, nearly-complete sentences which this athlete has unleashed upon the modern-day Gomorrah that is this social media hellscape, you won’t be able to look at your phone again until such time as when Charles Barkley, echoing the sapid historical reverence only matched by the quill of the Bard himself, wisely tweets out that one of his contemporaries like Larry Bird would never have said such a thing.
