Zach Wilson Spends Last Minutes Of Freedom With Loved Ones Before Pending Jets Selection
As the inevitable cruel moment of fate drew near, sources close to the Wilson family report that Zach Wilson spent the last few precious minutes as a non-Jets player delivering a tearful goodbye to his grandparents, parents, and three brothers, promising that no matter what happens to him in the bleak, unforgiving confines of MetLife Stadium, it would not break him.
“I’ll never forget the moment that awful Roger Goodell came to town, passed his judgment, and stole my Zach away from me,” cried the family’s matriarch, Lisa Wilson. “My Zach was a good boy. A decent boy. And they took him, stuck a giant number two on his back, and sent him to a land that even Bill Parcells couldn’t make hospitable.”
Fans of Wilson have been picketing the Jets’ front office for the past week, carrying signs decrying the callous disregard for young men’s lives as they send them on an “unwinnable” route to the playoffs. Friends of the family have also been passing by the Wilson household for the past few days, offering condolences as well as pointers for Zach on how to survive the harsh world of Jets football, such as beating up the punter on the first day to establish dominance.
“My boy’s a fighter. I tried to convince him to go to Canada, maybe join the CFL, but he’s gotten it in his head that if he flees, those Jets boys are just crazy enough to go after one of his brothers,” muttered Wilson’s father, Mike. “There’s no way he’ll make it all four years. My only hope is that they draft some other poor bastard in the first round next year to relieve him from duty.”
Barring some sort of divine miracle or last-minute trade up from the Broncos, Wilson is scheduled to walk the green 2,168 miles to MetLife at 9:00 am tomorrow. While the young quarterback himself has not responded to comments, witnesses have stated that he was last seen carrying a rolled-up Vinny Testaverde poster, which a few hopeful supporters have noted could be used to cover up some sort of tunnel Wilson is planning to dig through the back of his locker.
