FOOTBALL
“It’s hard not to be jealous — that was always our thing.”
–Steve Belichick, watching his Dad tell Mac Jones that he’s fucking useless
“No, that was definitely the sound of a human femur snapping. I’d recognize that noise anywhere.”
–Matt Ryan, selflessly helping out the Colts’ trainer
“We went from no one to everyone one special teams. That’s progress.”
–Roger Goodell, on who will be held accountable for rape charges
“New fuckboi ain’t got the BDE, but it don’t matter when he goin’ down on me.”
–Virginia McCaskey, Chicago Bears owner, on her new 79-year-old sidepiece
Roger Goodell Apologizes For Taking So Long To Realize How Profitable Supporting Player Protests Is For NFL
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell in a video call today issued a statement of apology for not realizing the handsome financial benefits of supporting the players in their fight against racial
Man’s Fantasy Football Draft Signals The Gathering Of The Seasonal Friends
With the annual fantasy football draft quickly approaching, local enthusiast Paul Casper’s friend has begun preparations for three or so months of authentic seasonal friendship. “I love these dudes. We
Get Ready To Scream And Eat: Football Is Back
FOOTBALL IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!! When you open your bag of chips, if you don’t rip the bag open by grabbing one end of the bag with your teeth and other with
Beer Cooler Preferred Weapon Of Tailgate Fights Everywhere
Have you ever been hammered at a tailgate and needed a weapon to defend yourself from getting body slammed through a table? Are you yelling at a few men, women,
Baseball Cancelled Now That Football Is Back
In light of football’s triumphant return to the American sports scene after a harrowing year, league officials have decided to indefinitely cancel the baseball season since it will no longer
NFL Begs Fans To Try And Understand What Owners Are Going Through Right Now
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expressed in a press conference on Wednesday his extreme displeasure at the tone in which the American public had used to discuss the various team owners
Did Ref Make A Bad Call By Leaving His Loving Wife?
Amid outcry from close family and friends on both sides of the divide, marriage fans are left wondering whether the decision NFL referee Terry Grier made to leave his loving
Patrick Mahomes Buys Chiefs
Shortly after signing a $500 million, 10-year extension with the Kansas City Chiefs, Chiefs superstar Patrick Mahomes decided to use the money to purchase a majority stake in his own
