FOOTBALL
NFL Scientists Use 3D Modeling To Recreate What They Think Terry Bradshaw Used To Look Like
“Welcome to rookie mini-camp. Start jogging now and you’ll enjoy a two-minute head start.”
–Bill Belichick, loading a bolt-action rifle
“Who thinks I can suck my own dick?”
–Robert Kraft, wearing a wire during a Baltimore Police sting operation
“All of this nonsense is not what I’m about.”
–Kyler Murray, on being told he’s too short to ride Space Mountain at Disney World
Oops: Rob Gronkowski Fails Concussion Protocol While Perfectly Healthy
While Rob Gronkowski’s status for next season remains in doubt, team doctors confirmed that Rob Gronkowski failed concussion protocol in a standard offseason check up again despite being perfectly healthy.
John Elway’s Dentist Retires At Age 31
After graduating from dental school and putting in five years of constant, round-the-clock work on her only patient, Dr. Maria Otsuka, John Elway’s personal dentist, has announced she will be
Hear Us Out: A Horny Jaguars Coach Who Also Wins Games
With the NFL Draft around the corner all eyes are on the first pick from the Jacksonville Jaguars. With Urban Meyer out, and Doug Peterson in the entire NFL community
Quiz: Which Disappointed NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship drought, but it will shed some light on which NFL team you are in
Hear Us Out: Sex, But With Doug Flutie
We know you haven’t thought about Doug Flutie in 20 years, and when he does cross your mind, it’s not about making sweet, sweet sex with him. Trust us, we
Study: American Football Gaining Popularity Among Britain’s Most Dogshit People
After 15 years of NFL games in London, American football is finally growing in popularity amongst Britain’s most dogshit people. According to a new study published in the renowned sociological
Report: Antonio Brown Beginning To Show Signs Of Early-Onset ‘Being Antonio Brown’
According to a report from ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter, those closest to free agent wide receiver Antonio Brown have privately expressed concern that Brown is displaying signs he may
Big Ten Assures Public Next Sex Abuse Scandal Will Be A Little More Private
The Big Ten issued a statement Monday assuring the public that the next sexual abuse scandal that rocks the conference will be kept a little more private than has been