FOOTBALL
New Footage! Josh Allen Shown Clearly Getting The First Down — Oh God, Goodell’s In My House — Call The Police!
Breaking: Kendrick Lamar Halftime Show Backdrop To Just Be Rolling Slides Displaying Drake’s Leaked Text Messages
“I pray a flock of geese take out our enginees.”
–Sauce Gardner, when he has to sit next to Aaron Rodgers on a flight
“Now for a silly one!”
–Patrick Mahomes, chucking the ball behind his back for a flawlessly executed 80-yard touchdown
“If you take care of yourself, once you get to my age, you might get to look like me!”
–Mark Davis, to a visibly horrified Tom Brady
Fuck: We Just Asked Aaron Rodgers A Question And Now He’s Reflecting
Okay, so this one’s probably on us. Everyone knows the first rule of journalism is “Never ask Aaron Rodgers a question.” Well, we did and — holy shit — he’s
We Got The Chance To Talk With Andy Dalton And Politely Declined
Last Sunday, after a long day of insider reporting, all we wanted was a relaxing cup of coffee. We were in line at a Starbucks at the Wayfield Mall in
Experts Weigh In: Is This Finally The Year Ohio State and Michigan Just Fuck Already?
For over 125 years, Ohio State and Michigan have been dragging out the game of “will they, won’t they.” Now, the generation-spanning question is finally reaching its climax — can
An Apology From Our Editors: The “Point Spread” Is Not In The Kama Sutra
In early Spring of 2017, Sports Riot unfortunately published a piece about gambling in which the “Point Spread” was thoroughly detailed as an act of the Kama Sutra. We deeply
Terry Bradshaw MRI Reveals Rare “Bucket Of Chicken Instead of Brain” Disease
After a seemingly normal moment in which Fox NFL Sunday Commentator Terry Bradshaw was asked if the Carolina Panthers could win the NFC South and proceeded to go on a
Jaguars Fan Being Awfully Smug For Someone Whose Van Was Just Repossessed
Local Jaguars fan Randy C. was in unusually high spirits Tuesday afternoon despite arriving at an Arby’s on a bicycle, shirtless, shoeless, and visibly missing a van that had been
Bears Fan Who Bet On Team’s Success Warned Not To Blow It All On One Artery
With the Chicago Bears currently leading the NFC North, no one could have predicted their rapid ascension; No one, that is, except for Bears superfan Bob Dabrowski, who stands to
Browns’ Stadium Introduces Two-Drink Minimum
In a move stadium officials are calling “long overdue,” the Browns announced Thursday that all fans entering Huntington Bank Field will now be subject to a mandatory 2-drink minimum, explaining
