FOOTBALL

Academy Award? Does Ryan Gosling Deserve An Oscar For His Performance As “Jared Goff” On The Lions?

“New season, new goals–this year we’re biting dicks.”
–Dan Campbell, Detroit Lions Head Coach

“Uhh… no thanks.”
–Sam Darnold, when asked if he’d like to play as himself in Madden’s Career Mode

“There is no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ but there’s a lot of ‘I’s’ in ‘fucking idiot’ you motherfucking idiot.”
–Nick Saban

Struggling Actor Considering Joining The NFL To Book More Commercials
After failing to get a callback for the role of an embarrassing dad in an insurance commercial, local actor Donovan Helsen, 36, says he’s considering taking a part-time job as

NFL Offering Counseling To Players Who Recently Died By Suicide
The NFL has set its sights on expanding mental health care by today announcing a new program that offers counseling to players who have recently died by suicide. Beginning as

10 Facts About Patrick Mahomes’ Personal Life That You, A 45-Year-Old Man, Care About For Some Reason
Patrick Mahomes exploded onto the NFL scene, winning an MVP and Super Bowl ring after only two seasons as the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs, which launched him

Chicago Bears Retire Justin Fields’ Number
With the season over and it obvious Caleb Williams is coming to ChiTown, the Bears did the only thing they could, releasing a statement from GM Ryan Poles calling Fields,

Local Man’s Divorce Brought To Him By FanDuel
Hey fans, if you love custody battles, listen up! The county sheriff has served local man Jackson DeCamp with a robust stack of divorce papers today brought to him by

That’s Weird: Why Hasn’t This Raiders Fan Stabbed Me Yet?
I’ve come totally prepared. It’s Sunday, I’m at a bar in Las Vegas, and there’s a Raiders fan sitting right next to me. Now, there are always variables in any

Yikes: ‘Jeopardy!’ Tapped Kirk Cousins To Guest Host But None Of The Contestants Are Listening To Him
An attempt to replicate the success of guest host Aaron Rogers with Minnesota Vikings quarterback Kirk Cousins is backfiring spectacularly for “Jeopardy!” this week after the show’s contestants are failing

JJ Watt Now State Of Arizona’s Youngest White Male
After announcing last week that he would soon become a Cardinal, JJ Watt also became Arizona’s youngest white male at 32 years old. The title was previously held by Kurt




