JJ Watt Now State Of Arizona’s Youngest White Male

After announcing last week that he would soon become a Cardinal, JJ Watt also became Arizona’s youngest white male at 32 years old. The title was previously held by Kurt Warner at age 38, but no youthful caucasian man has lived in the state since 2008. 

The reactions from the Arizonians have been mixed, with some saying he reminds them of a slightly older young John McCain, while others, like Joe Arpaio say this is just what the state needs. While California has white males as young as zero-days old, the last white man born in Arizona was Barry Goldwater in 1909. 

Many believed Gronkowski to be the state’s youngest male during his Arizona State days, but an investigation into the university found that all the white males there were either of mixed race or had driver’s licenses dating back to the 1950’s. 

The transition to being the youngest white man in the state hasn’t been easy for JJ, who says that most restaurants close before he’s hungry, he’s always asked to give blood transfusions, and that the only sponsorships available are for catheters. Arizona’s current quarterback Chris Streveler, 76, is excited to impart his wisdom to the next generation of young white males before he dies of old age soon, tearfully saying, “It was a mistake to come here.”