FOOTBALL
“I know you don’t have a racist bone in your body–would you like one?”
–Dan Snyder, his go-to pick-up line
“I’m not looking to actively shop him, but I’ll always listen to any trade offers.”
–Kyle Shanahan, holding his newborn baby for the first time
“My cousin has not sucked my dick yet.”
–Trevor Lawrence, on the remaining Jacksonville traditions to embrace
NFL Unveils New Ribbed Footballs For Receiver’s Pleasure
In a stunningly progressive move, the NFL debuted the Wilson® Ribbed Pig Skynz football today after decades of calls to modernize the game. The ball, which features a ribbed exterior
5 Insufferable Lessons Aaron Rodgers Learned From Ayahuasca
With Aaron Rodgers’ season finished, the retirement talk has begun. Aaron is reportedly reflecting on his year and unfortunately has contacted Sports Riot with the five lessons he learned from
Eagles’ Successes Allowing Philadelphia Man To Only Be Mad At All Other Aspects Of Life
When I was a kid growing up in Philly, I could always count on two things: My life sucked, and so did the Eagles. But for the last couple years
Learning From His Mistakes: We Tried To Catfish Manti Te’o And He Just Beat The Living Shit Out Of Us
Ten years after his infamous catfishing incident, we at Sports Riot decided to see if Manti T’eo learned from his mistakes. And we’re proud to report that not only did
NFL Proudly Debuts First-Ever Female Football
Speaking before reporters on Thursday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell excitedly announced that the league was about to debut its first-ever female football, in what he hoped would be a move
Children’s Hospital Patient Fakes Death To Avoid Russell Wilson Visit
A children’s hospital outside Denver experienced a rash of false self-reported deaths moments before Broncos’ quarterback Russell Wilson was scheduled to visit this past weekend. Doctors at Rocky Mountain Children’s
Feminist Hero: This Man Is Doing Whatever It Takes To Fund Women’s College Volleyball
When the brave young women of the University of Southern Mississippi needed a new state-of-the-art volleyball stadium, the fatcats at the state capitol gave them the cold shoulder. They didn’t
We Apologize In Advance: Here Is What Brownie The Elf Thinks Of DeShaun Watson Accusations
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains an unreserved defense of inexcusable acts of sexual misconduct, as well as pejorative terms for several races, many of which we frankly had never heard
