FOOTBALL
“I have changed my mind about the vaccine.”
–Aaron Rodgers, immediately after touching an MTA Subway pole for the first time
“The rules only state a 53-MAN roster, Ol’ Slick Jerry found himself a loophole.”
–Jerry Jones, on his controversial use of child labor
“Heh Heh. Do you guys remember the ‘butt punt’?”
–Dan Snyder, on that time he kicked a cheerleader to death
“Approximately 72 school children can fit inside me.”
–Jerome Bettis, on how he got his “The Bus” nickname
Wow! NFL Star Only 3 Yards Away From Breaking Another Restraining Order
Having already smashed the NFL’s record for Class A misdemeanors, wide receiver Cooper Chase stands only three yards away from breaking an incredible eleventh restraining order in a single season.
John Elway’s Dentist Retires At Age 31
After graduating from dental school and putting in five years of constant, round-the-clock work on her only patient, Dr. Maria Otsuka, John Elway’s personal dentist, has announced she will be
Quiz: Which Disappointing NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Going into the NFL Draft is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship draught, but it will shed some light on which
Report: Antonio Brown Beginning To Show Signs Of Early-Onset Being Antonio Brown
According to a report from ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter, those closest to free agent wide receiver Antonio Brown have privately expressed concern that Brown is displaying signs he may
Uptight Referee A Real Stickler For The Rules
After a long drawn out, albeit in depth, explanation of a little known rule; referee Todd Perkins confirmed the ruling on the field would stand and also confirmed what we
NFL Informs Philadelphia That Games Can Be Enjoyed Without Homicide
The NFL held a press conference in Philadelphia today to persuade the city’s fans that homicide is not necessary to enjoy sporting events. ⠀ The city’s notorious fan base, responsible
Kirk Cousins Refusing To Give Up On Best Buy
Despite shopping fans’ showing an overwhelming preference for the new era of mobile retailers, Minnesota QB Kirk Cousins is refusing to give up on Best Buy, a local downward-trending big
NFL COVID Test Returns Positive For CTE
According to sources close to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the entire NFL has breathed an immense sigh of relief this week after an undisclosed Steelers player’s initial positive COVID-19 test turned
