Quiz: Which Disappointing NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Going into the NFL Draft is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship draught, but it will shed some light on which NFL team you are in the bedroom. Be sure to post your results in the comments.
- As a sex partner, I am:
- Loaded. I have talent, depth, and size. I’ve been called the “most complete” bachelor.
- Ready to ride. Giddy-up!
- Not great at offense. I punt a lot.
- Not bad! Hoping for some voyeurs.
- Foreplay is:
- Dressing up in uniform and watching game film.
- Ogling cheerleaders.
- Two years away from being two years away.
- Trying to get someone to notice me.
- Your safe-word is:
- “OBJ.”
- “1989.”
- “One Pride.” (Guys: What’s a “safe-word”?)
- Anything — I’ll take anything.
- My biggest sexual achievement was:
- Getting blue balls in 1986.
- The 90s — one big orgasm.
- Virginity.
- An over-the-pants “almost”-job in 1995.
- My sexual kink is:
- The Cleveland Steamer
- Reverse Cowboy
- Motor Head
- Electrostimulation (aka “Nipple Clamps”)
MOSTLY A’s – Your Sex Life Is the Cleveland Browns.
You have the roster, you have the talent, you just never seem to pull it all together for a big score.
MOSTLY B’s – Your Sex Life Is the Dallas Cowboys.
You and your date leave the restaurant early, and everyone assumes you’re off to a sex party in Southlake. But somehow midnight has you asleep on the couch.
MOSTLY C’s – Your Sex Life Is the Detroit Lions.
Fuuuuuck. Rough one, dude.
MOSTLY D’s – Your Sex Life Is the San Diego Chargers.
You’re new in town, and that’s great. But it’s a big town, and you’re new, and nobody really wants you here.
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Joke:
Writer: Jeff
Editor: Laura
Proofreader:
