Kirk Cousins Refusing To Give Up On Best Buy

Despite shopping fans’ showing an overwhelming preference for the new era of mobile retailers, Minnesota QB Kirk Cousins is refusing to give up on Best Buy, a local downward-trending big box store with which he personally identifies.

The once- going as far as to admonish all consumers for callously discarding something traditional just because a sexier, more price-effective option became conveniently available.

“How can you people so callously discard a place that’s given you so many mediocre memories? Does steady blandness really no longer have a place in Minneapolis?” penned a passionate Cousins on his self-funded website ‘savebestbuyandkirkcousins.com.’

“Just because Amazon and Lamar Jackson routinely do things that Big Blue and I are physically incapable of, doesn’t mean we now have to fire the entire Geek Squad / trade me to Jacksonville for a couple of stickers and the bottom half of a Microsoft Surface (by the way, both of those things are currently available at Best Buy for $399.99 each).”

Cousins, who still spends every Saturday morning walking through the CD- and appliance-strewn aisles of his beloved Best Buy Richfield, maintains that the retailer and the quarterback’s best days still lie ahead.

“I firmly believe that with a little mopping, some new employees, a new store manager, better customer service, improved product pricing, a guaranteed plan to build 500 more Magnolia Home Theater design centers in 2021, a new offensive line, and a coach who isn’t on the verge of death, that Best Buy and I will both break out of our funks and finally pull off that all-elusive Thanksgiving Weekend W.”  

As a thank you to Cousins for his loud endorsement of Best Buy, company CEO Corie Barry is rewarding the Vikings captain with the retailer’s highest honor: $27 worth of unused gift cards + three uninterrupted turns on his favorite location’s beat-up Wii U Demo Station.