Report: Antonio Brown Beginning To Show Signs Of Early-Onset Being Antonio Brown

According to a report from ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter, those closest to free agent wide receiver Antonio Brown have privately expressed concern that Brown is displaying signs he may be suffering from early-onset being Antonio Brown.

 

“If left untreated, it could develop into late-onset being Antonio Brown, the effects of which remain unknown but are presumably catastrophic,” a league source told Schefter. “Many NFL players fear that one day they’ll be diagnosed with being Antonio Brown and find themselves attacking chefs or livestreaming private conversations on Facebook.”

 

“There are no known cures, especially after breakthrough research revealed that scoring touchdowns merely masks symptoms,” the source added.

 

With little assistance from the NFL, which allegedly suppressed three decades of Antonio Brown research, Antonio Brown’s condition may be too advanced for treatment, as initial evidence suggests being Antonio Brown has plagued Antonio Brown since the day he was born.

 

Behind the scenes, the NFLPA has requested the implementation of Antonio Brown protocol, deploying spotters throughout the stadium to remove players from the game the moment before they throw off their equipment and walk across the endzone while pumping up the opposing team’s crowd.

 

An anonymous member of the Buccaneers medical staff, however, noted that it’s likely Brown is not suffering from being Antonio Brown, but rather, is certifiably insane.

 

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Author: Zach

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