FOOTBALL
“Gardening, catching up on reading, but mostly my functioning internal organs.”
–Andrew Luck, on what he’s enjoying about life after football
“I probably go through six or seven dogs a month.”
–Dan Snyder, on the challenges of training pets
“No matter what I do, my past always catches up with me.”
–Rob Gronkowski, on daylight savings time
“Her pathos-ridden portrayal added a much-needed counterpoint to the broader socio-political critique of our perverse adulation of brilliance giving rise to complicit tolerance of abusive behavior.”
–Rob Gronkowski, on Cate Blanchett’s performance in ‘Tar’
It’s Time To Defund The Dallas Cowboys
After decades of misallocated funds, countless losses, and missed playoffs, fans around the country are clamoring to defund the Dallas Cowboys. Caught going 8-8 in 2019 on live video was
NFL Raises $40 Million For Charity Awareness
Continuing its long history of explicit corporate philanthropy, the NFL announced that it has raised over $40 million for a cause it holds near and dear to its heart: Charity
Mitch Trubisky Worried Good Performance Will Give Fans Wrong Idea
Chicago Bears QB Mitch Trubisky is worried that his unusually strong performance may have given fans the wrong idea about what he’s capable of doing on a week-to-week basis. “Fans
NFC South Secedes From NFL
Refusing to comply with the league’s latest updated roster requirements, the NFC South seceded from the NFL today, announcing plans to form a more perfect alliance of its own called
Jets Call Dibs On Patrick Mahomes’ Unborn Child
Speaking before a gathering of reporters carefully arranged into a pentagram, New York Jets General Manager and perennial Faustian bargainer Joe Douglas made the striking proclamation on Tuesday that he
Dallas Cowboys Scramble To Fill Roster After Team Dies In Saloon Shootout
The big boss men up Dallas way have found theirselves in a predicament t’fill a roster after all their Cowboys done perished in a saloon shootout come last Saturday. Folk
Man At Football Game Secretly Listening To Wedding
Despite being dragged to yet another Buffalo Bills game by his wife, Jake Parker, avid nuptials fan and native Buffaloian, was prepared to secretly be listening to his cousin’s wedding.
Five Facts About Tom Brady You Can Casually Mention To Your Husband To Remind Him What A Sack Of Shit He Is
If you’re anything like us you’re constantly searching for ways to help your man improve himself, but there is so much misinformation out there. Fear not, we waded through the
