Richard Sherman Convinced Government Tracking Him Through Giant Chip On Shoulder

In response to repeated questions from reporters about the large, unmistakable chip on his shoulder, 49ers cornerback Richard Sherman posted a video on Instagram claiming that the chip is a tracking device implanted on him by the government.  

Sherman begins the video by acknowledging he’s had these suspicions for a long time, “I’ve felt something was amiss since high school when people first pointed out my budding shoulder chip. Since then it has only grown bigger and bigger despite all my many accomplishments. The only logical answer is that it’s some sort of GPS-tracking chip.”

As the video continues, Sherman explains his working theory on why the government is targeting him.

“I’m a Stanford graduate, first team All-Pro, Super Bowl champion. That’s why they’re tracking me. They want to steal the secrets to my superior intellect and athleticism. They want all my amazing ideas.” Sherman went on to say he felt compelled to post the video out of fear for what would happen if his “power got into the wrong hands.” 

When reached for comment, the NFL denied any claims of spying on Sherman, but confirmed they have planted a mind-control chip in Pete Carroll’s brain.