Top Three Most Hated Current Commissioners Of The NFL
NFL commissioners are vile, loathsome creatures who deserve their annual draft day boo-fest. They enforce the rules, battle the NFL Players Association, oversee league expansion, and, generally speaking, carry out the bidding of team owners and make a pretty penny doing it. So, which three current commissioners are most hated and why?
- Social Justice Goodell
No list of sitting objects of America’s collective hatred would be complete without the classic Social Justice Commissioner Roger Goodell. Social Justice Goodell greets draftees with a smile while knowing they’ll exit the league physically broken and without lifetime health insurance. He condemns domestic violence, but only when it’s caught on tape. He respects and values women and minorities. Seriously, just ask the Washington cheerleaders or Colin Kaepernick.
- Judge Fun Sucker
Good old Judge Fun Sucker, who has been ruining the league since ’06, is even more hated than SJG—which is impressive considering he does it behind closed doors. Too much celebrating? Flag. Caught smoking weed? Eight game suspension. Leading with your head while tackling your girlfriend’s newborn in a hotel lobby? $12 fine. There’s no consistency. The man simply loves power, but he wields it like a drunk swinging a toy lightsaber at a piñata at a quinceañera nobody even wants him at.
- Tickle Me Roger
Fuck this guy. This piece of shit is the worst sitting commissioner of all. Giggling like a schoolgirl with his bright red fucking face and cold-ass mashed potato body vibrating with all the merriment and glee of a guy who rakes in $64 million a year for being the owners’ personal plaything. Even 6-year-olds can tell this creepy mechanical fuck doll for billionaires serves no purpose. He’s just a masochistic marionet whose shit-eating grin only grows wider with each pass interference flag thrown. Tickle Me Roger: Batteries not included.
Stay tuned for next week’s list of Dan Synder’s top three favorite white ethnic groups.
