Shotgun, Pistol, And Other Formations The Democrats Want To Take Away From You

While some members of Congress are busy serving Americans in productive ways, like working to put God back in our schools or making sure they don’t have to disclose their million-dollar Super PAC donations to the fake news media, the Democrats are drudging out the same, old SJW grievance politics. And this time they’re going after something as sacred to our country as apple pie or Sean Hannity: Football. Here’s a look at five time-honored formations the Radical Left is looking to destroy:

  1. Shotgun Formation

Long held as the gold standard for third-and-long situations, this God-given, inalienable formation is now under attack by Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer just because a few bad apples decided to use it in a rigged high school football game. Well, good luck, Cryin’ Chuck: You can take this formation when you pry the playbooks from our cold, dead coaches!

  1. Pistol Formation

As if Shotgun wasn’t enough for these soft-on-sacks liberal cucks—now they’re coming after our handgun formations as well. The spineless Coastal Elite might be happy to hand their footballs or virgin daughters over to the defense, but us real quarterbacks need Pistol Formation to protect our families!

  1. Offset-I Formation (Strong)

As you might expect from the party that somehow still hates child labor, no matter how many good points I bring up in my letters to my local representative, the heinous Dems love nothing more than bringing down the Strong. Let’s just hope China isn’t paying attention!

  1. Flat-Rate-Tax Formation

Back in the ‘80s, it seemed like nearly everyone agreed with this formation. Sadly, too many Americans these days have bought into the communist lie that a Progressive formation would offer more “equality.” 

  1. America Formation

Democrats might claim they’ll stop after taking away only those formations they don’t like, but don’t let them fool you: We all know their eventual goal is to destroy America Formation, itself! But this proud formation has survived onslaughts from British blitzes, Soviet pass interference, and even the worst day in NFL history, when 19 defenders penetrated through the Broncos’ twin tackles and brought down our nation’s symbol of prosperity, Peyton Manning. And I know in my freedom-loving heart it’s gonna survive you as well.