Daniel Jones Forced To Put DoorDash Career On Hold

Restaurant owners and hungry stoners across Indianapolis are reeling as five-star DoorDash recruit Daniel Jones has been forced to put his delivery career on hold to pursue his other hobby: football.

The news comes as a crushing blow to the Indianapolis gig economy. Scouts view Jones as a generational talent in the delivery game. His 4.4 car-to-door time wowed at the Courier Combine, sending industry giants like Uber Eats, Grubhub, and DoorDash into a bidding war for the former free agent.

“Jones is the best delivery prospect we’ve seen since Blake Bortles,” said DoorDash GM Tony Xu. “Sure, his hand size is ideal for safely securing takeout bags, but his IQ is off the charts, too. The dinner blitz never rattles him and his pre-order reads are elite. I swear, he knows the beans you want from Chipotle before you do. Shame to see him throw away a sure-fire Hall of Fame career on boring seasonal work.”

Nobody is more disappointed than Jones.

“Delivering food is the only way to make the big bucks in Indy,” lamented Jones. “I’ve been poring over takeout menus and running drop-off drills all summer. Hell, I just leased a fully loaded Toyota Prius. My whole life has been leading up to my DoorDash debut. When I got the call from coach Steichen that I was QB1,” he paused, choking up, “I was devastated.”

Teammates worry Jones can’t shake his passion for delivery. “I know I’m just a running back, but I still don’t think I should have to tip him per reception,” sighed Jonathan Taylor. “He’s always reminding me that they call him ‘Danny Dimes’ because he makes most of his money from gratuity.”

Meanwhile, DoorDash is scrambling to replace Jones. “The Dabol-to-delivery-driver pipeline has become the standard,” explained DoorDash head coach Nate Baker. “Fans expect failed Giants QBs dropping off their meals. That’s why we’re negotiating with Russell Wilson for an exclusive delivery contract. We’re just waiting on his camp to agree to a no-cooking clause.”