City Of Tampa Celebrates Newfound National Sports Success By Finally Getting Around To Building Hospital

After winning championships in both hockey and football, Tampa Bay wasted no time in building its first hospital for their 3.2 million residents. “We got the football thing figured out, so we thought, what the heck? Why not one of them body fixing centers,” said the mayor of Tampa, who spear-headed the city’s first school after the Lightning won The Stanley Cup.

“I was like, what they building there? Football stadium? We already got one of those. Then they said it was a place where you can get your health looked at or something,” said one resident, who plans to get his first physical soon at the age of 51. The initiative picked up steam after residents were surprised to hear of a Clearwater resident living into his 80s.

“Everyone in Tampa has a cough. The whole town is sick,” said a newly hired doctor for Tampa’s first hospital, continuing, “Half of the Buccaneers died. It’s a wonder they were able to be so competitive.” The mayor says he thought the residents would be content that he built their first fire department after Tampa signed Brady, because now “people won’t get burned to death or nothing,” but understands progress begets progress.

“Finally, Tampa Bay will have a place to go after them gator bites. After them PCP meltdowns. After them daughter’s boyfriend shoots you. I give you: The doctor’s office!” said the mayor to hundreds of ill residents. After announcing their first hospital, the mayor also announced that Tampa Bay would be getting its 415th methadone clinic.