Packers Bring In Hostage Negotiator To Speak With Aaron Rodgers

The City of Green Bay’s newly established SWAT team was once again called in by the Packers organization to facilitate communications between the team and quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

Created weeks ago, the Green Bay SWAT team made its fifth visit to Lambeau Field this week to settle a dispute between Packers brass and Rodgers’ camp over what code words to use for various situations. 

“It was a long standoff, but we were able to come to a peaceful resolution after the Packers organization agreed to refer to it as ‘LaFleur taking a number two’ anytime Jordan Love enters a game,” said lead negotiator Alan Carson, adding that Rodgers won the argument over code words and agreed to smile twice a game and address the media in a slightly less weird, philosophical tone.

General manager Brian Gutekunst dismissed the team’s negotiation tactics as too soft. “We’re not a good team because we have one of the best quarterbacks. He’s one of the best quarterbacks because of the talented team I built around him. Next time we should storm his house Waco-style.”

UPDATE: Police say Rodgers has once again barricaded himself in the film room and is demanding Jordy Nelson be hired as a receivers coach and Brett Favre be brought in as his personal water boy.