How To Protect Yourself And Home During A Raiders Away Game

You’ve got the dip, you’ve got the drinks, but… are you prepared for the national security threat Raiders fans pose to your home? Got a gun – HA! Good luck!

Here are a few sure fire ways to protect yourself and home in the event of a Raiders away game:

WEAPONS?!
NO. As we eluded to earlier – this strategy won’t work. It’s a common mistake trying to ward off the wave of Raider Nation with ammo. Those carnival rejects are immune to gun, knife, or physical violence. Some have theorized, they can’t be killed.

AL DAVIS CREST
If you don’t want to sacrifice a calf and cover your door frame with blood every away game in your city, we recommend an Al Davis Crest so that the evil spirits will passover your home.

SIGNS AROUND YOUR DWELLING SAYING “I’VE GOTTEN MY TETANUS SHOT”
There is a vaccine for the Raiders virus! More importantly, if you’re immune to tetanus – a Raiders fan will know they can’t really hurt you.

SUPER BOWL TROPHY
If you have the means, there is one sure fire thing you can do. If there’s one item that all Raiders nation has been allergic to for over 30 years it is: Super Bowls. Display that bad boy on your roof to ward away any such Raiderness for up to a three mile radius.

Join us next week for “So, You’re Going To See A Seahawks Game But Know Nothing About Kurt Cobain’s Death”!!